GEMINI:
Following a call to fix a car broken down on the B763 you take a wrong turn and end up meeting the girl of your dreams. Yes, Lydia Teapot, your first true love from St Cribbit's Primary is waiting just round the corner.

VIRMIN:
People must now consider you the luckiest person that ever lived. Just following my advice in the last Horoscope you placed the £1 accumulator bet on those 10 highly unlikely events happening before Saturday and you've just collected your cheque for £7,454,320.56

CAPRICONK:
Imperative. Remember these simple directions for later in the week. Go left, left, right. Up two flights, through the red door and straight across the corridor. Press the Up elevator button then run quickly to your right making sure you duck as you pass rooms 415 and 419. Exit at the end of the passage and use the stairs to go the rest of the way.

HERPES:
Prepare yourself. You are on the verge of an extrememly unusual occurence. Don't be alarmed but absolutely nothing is going to happen to you, or anyone you know, for the forseeable future... and that's a long time.

ARIAN:
Many others will be envious of you as you muddle through an uneventful and ordinarily dull period of life. Nothing particularly bad is going to happen and neither is anything particularly good, except for the arrival of 49 Guinea Pigs on Monday.

SAGGITROUSUS:
My forsight is strangely murky, the future looks undecided, in a state of flux and determinable by those taking part in the random dance of chance. No! That can't be right.